March 2011 ~ Simply Perfect

Just A Thought ~ 2011 > March 2011 ~ Simply Perfect

March 2011 ~ Simply Perfect

Feb 3, 2012

There have been times in my life where I had no clue as to where I was going, what I was doing, or what the outcome might be…and for the past few years I’m finding that maybe this leads to a type of inner peace. For most of my adult life, I was a planner, a doer, a get-it done now person (yes, impatient!) and taking direction from others was at the cost of my pride. I was willing to give up my personal life and quality time in my relationships in order to “accomplish” these feats so I could feel some sort of identity and power in myself and exert my credentials upon others. This type of momentum is like watching a hamster on the hamster wheel—always running day and night…in circles…to nowhere fast. And I would imagine there were a few people I met along the way who wondered how long would it take for me to get off the track of this “life” I was creating and choosing to experience.

Yes, I played the game as well and felt some sort of self-worth when I proudly declared my position, or age, or where I came from but that just doesn’t seem to be as important to me anymore. Perhaps it is because the more birthdays I have the more I have to offer or want to share with myself and others ~ what’s on the inside of me that matters most. No longer is it my net worth, my formal education, or the job I maintain or lose as those proved to be lessons I learned along the way to show me what were my genuine values and beliefs, to live less in a religion and live more in the practice of being who I am ~ living in this very moment and with every breath I take. This is who I am with no strings attached and most certainly, imperfect but true to the form I am. To continue to learn what is important to me for I have seen just how fragile life is especially when I have seen how precious life can become when there is less of it to live.

I started working with Barb several years ago that would prove to be quite a challenging period for us both as human beings. During this time in my life, a long term relationship ended, my mother’s health & living conditions changed, I incurred a job lay-off and then later I fell and broke my leg. Barb was diagnosed with breast cancer and completed several rounds of chemotherapy and radiation treatments. Though our professional relationship ended it was the beginning of a new friendship. She would call to check on me and ask me how I was doing and touch base. We found out that we lived just five minutes away from each other and met for an occasional lunch to catch up on our lives. She was better at keeping in touch then I was as I was consumed, at the time, with creating my new website and trying to go with the flow. She would tell me what treatments she was pursuing and seemed to be learning so much about the disease and new advances that she continually impressed and, sometimes, overwhelmed me with not only her knowledge but her commitment to finding a cure.

My perspective on life changed once again as I witnessed the beauty of her spirit and saw that her will to live was so powerful that I was in awe of her inner strength. While I was recuperating from a broken leg she was recuperating from intense treatments. When I was exercising in the pool for two hours a day for my physical therapy she was embracing life with a vision and a passion to live a full life. I was in a wheel chair for three months and she was in one for three weeks. I was in a hospital/rehab center for a few weeks and she was hospitalized for twice as long.

Somehow and for some reason ~ our paths crossed. And I am so grateful to her for allowing me into a part of her life. A life that she held closely to her heart and kept fairly private, as I had also done. However, I saw the most beautiful person evolve last summer, one that I guess I never really took the time to see or maybe she just never had a reason to show me. Since then the beauty I saw in her is some of the beauty I now see unfolding in me.

What I learned was that life is a simple gift sometimes appearing to be layered with complexities of drama, unanswered questions and consuming fixations and addictions. I saw what was superficial and what was real, what I considered to be strengths I now see as less important and what vulnerabilities I sensed I now recognize as being genuine. The ability to observe and interact with another person while they are on their journey in life is a priceless treasure and one to appreciate and value in another person and in ourselves. What truths do we choose to hide and which lies do we share, what values and perversities do we protect and support, what excuses do we entertain and what gives us the impetus to move forward. I did not want to tell her what I sensed but I wanted to support the person she chose to be in those moments she shared with me in those last few weeks. Did it matter what I knew, what I thought, or what I feared the most? No, not compared to what she wanted for her life, her choices and her three children. I wrestled with myself and just asked The Universe to have me be where I needed to be, when and if I needed to be there and of service or to just simply be present in the moment for her, for me, and her children. Her spirit taught me not to fear life or its’ mundane challenges but to set aside my insecurities and rely on faith and hope and to continue to endure and still love throughout the process.

On a Saturday afternoon her oldest daughter called and invited me to share what would be Barb’s last hours by her bedside. Her children did not know before that night of my God-given gifts but I was able to spiritually assist her that August night into her next adventure on her journey. And I was honored to offer a hug of comfort and to hold them when they left the room shortly after she died.

What did I learn ~
Time and again I saw Barb choose life, not worry ~
She asked questions with a purpose and contemplated her options thoroughly.
She chose to love, not to fear.
She chose to have hope instead of self-pity.
She graced me with the opportunity for me to see the difference of having a spirit of a trooper or the wasted energy of a fighter and, at what cost.
And because of the gifts she gave to me I have chosen to give up the fight and to live more in peace and less worry, to forgive myself and others sooner rather than later, and to continue to keep my heart open to love, once again.
Life is precious and so is Love.

Many people will ask you throughout your life “What do you do?” and you may proudly chant a response with some sort of title that gives you an upper hand, a last name that tells other people just who you want to be or maybe profess the dreams you dreamed because it sounded good at one time or another to yourself.

Stop and ask the questions:
* “What do I really do?” and
* “Really, who am I?”

Now listen to your answer(s).
Are the answers what you want written in your obituary or spoken by your children at your memorial service or presented at an awards banquet?”

And maybe you will find that your best answer to the question, in all its’ grandeur, “what do I want out of my life” is now ~
simply perfect.

Michaelene
Intuitive Consultant (Business, Personal, Hospice)
www.Sun2SoulTransitions.com

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